Photogenic Delays

I just saw a picture of myself that was taken today.  My first reaction, "UGH!" which followed with a silent "Oh gosh" and then ended with, "HOLY COW IM OVERWEIGHT."

Guys I think being photogenic skipped a generation. I must always choose the most unflattering angles. haha That picture was a sight and made me have sore eyes. How did I let myself get this far in being overweight?

I ended up looking at my old Facebook photos and I showed Jake a photo of my first year of college and he didn't think it was me because I was so thin there. He said that I looked great but that I am still me. But it still hurt that I wasn't that healthy thin girl anymore.

I cried for a good 30 min.  I've never had to go through this where I couldn't just eat whatever I wanted and still think I could stay thin. So for me this is so hard....so so hard.

It's been a bad day.

But I guess the positive is it will make me workout out today.

Im Not Perfect

Today is a bad day.  Satan is definitely doing his best to get me down. I can't stress how important going to church is to help with those negative thoughts. Unfortunately for me I wasn't able to go to church today and every time I miss sacrament I feel so yucky. Thats the best word to describe it. Yucky.  Going on Facebook when you are depressed is a bad idea because I ended up finding my way to a blog of the cutest girl ever who is expecting and she is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s. The girl that has the cute clothes, looks good, and takes pictures from a freaking nice camera and blogs about her day.  Here I am with no money for cute clothes even if they are on sale, I don't know how to make a cute blog let alone blog everyday, and I want to have a baby but I need to lose the weight Ive gained. If only I was always skinny and even if I was pregnant the only thing you would see was my baby belly and I didn't gain any weight anywhere else. You know the type. P-E-R-F-E-C-T. See I told you guys, not a good day for me.

I looked up the definition of PERFECT in Topical Guide in the Bible and this is the definition:

Complete, whole, and fully developed; totally righteous. Perfect can also mean without sin or evil. Only Christ was totally perfect. True followers of Christ may become perfect through his grace and atonement. 

Whole....Complete.... how amazing are those words?

Don't you want to feel whole? Complete? I noticed in my life, I don't feel spiritually whole. I need to make more effort towards christ. I only say prayers when it suits me and when I need help. How selfish am I? I WANT TO FEEL WHOLE...COMPLETE! No one is perfect, so why not try and admire the only person who is, which is christ.

I am working out more each day and Im trying to eat healthier and less. Life is beautiful. I have a wonderful husband and the wonderful chance in my life where heavenly father is letting me have time before a baby to create healthy habits and get back to a happier healthier me. Thank you. I am so truly blessed.

Write out your feelings and then find the positive because if you noticed I started this blog negative, in tears, and feeling poor and I seriously feel loved and truly truly blessed.
THANK YOU LORD FOR CREATING ME AND LOOKING AFTER ME ALWAYS!

Dearest Hollys Mom, Joanna,
You inspire me, I wish I could be there with you Holly and help with all this. I feel so worthless here in logan. I just wanted to let you know that this cancer and with chemo and the yuckiness you are feeling can be transformed. You can feel complete and whole through him who is perfect. I love you, you are an amazing mother and an even more amazing person.

If any of you want to be inspired, follow her and her daughter, my best friend, Holly.

Click Here for Hollys Blog
Click Here for Joanna's Blog

Still Weigh 187 but hey at least Im not gaining any weight haha
I worked out 3 times this past week, but have tried to eat healthier. I will get there. I will get there. I can do this!