Don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful for the ability to get pregnant and to have a healthy baby. With my words I am not trying to make those who are suffering with loss or infertility to be upset or what not, this is just my feelings and my experience and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Ok with that said, pregnancy is hard. I have never felt more out of control of my body than I have while being pregnant. Its like the lord teaches you an early lesson that you no longer come first, your baby does. I know I still have 6 weeks till Im at 40 weeks but IM SO DONE! I think those that have been pregnant can agree that when you are in your 3rd trimester that it all just goes down hill. 1st trimester...I mean its alright other than the weeks of nauseousness and throwing up. 2nd trimester...easiest of all. 3rd trimester...never ending uncomfortableness and impatience. Now this is not how it is for everyone, this is just me. Now let me tell you about why Im just done being pregnant through my experiences with this pregnancy.
I had morning sickness from 9 weeks to 14 weeks. I do not know why they call it morning sickness when it is literally 'all the time' sickness. I could only eat certain foods or else, out it came. I still have a hard time just thinking about eggs and lemon chiffon pie. Sometimes all you eat in that day are crackers, noodles and company, and a slice of lemon chiffon pie. You then go on to throw up the pie and can never stomach anything lemon again. Granted, I didn't have it as bad as most women, so I definitely count my blessing there. The worst part about this time is that I was working, going to school, and caught the flu. With the flu I couldn't breathe to the point of where I would wake up gasping for air and panic. I couldn't go to sleep because I couldn't breathe and would cough and cough and felt miserable so I ended up only falling asleep for 2-3 hours and just stay up either watching a movie downstairs so Jake could sleep, laying on the bathroom floor while breathing in steam from the shower, or taking a bath that turned cold so fast because you can't take hot baths while you're pregnant. This sickness and not sleeping lasted for a week people, I have never been so exhausted in my life. Once I started to get a little past the sickness after a week, I ended up getting the most horrible earache and all the sounds were muted and I couldn't really hear. Had an ear infection that I had to take antibiotics for and after another week I was completely back to just throwing up. haha
After that time it wasn't bad. At 16 weeks, a mysterious rash/hives started showing up on my body. I thought it might be an allergic reaction to a medication I had taken 3 days prior. Went to the Gynocologist who gave me a steroid cream to put on 3 times a day. No progress, so I ended up going to a dermatologist. They had no idea what it was but that it could possibly be 2 things. I spent 5 months after the time it showed up putting on multiple creams, oils, 2-3 times a day, and changed everything about my skin care, soaps, and laundry detergent to a more expensive kind. It was odd to me that all of a sudden this rash would show up because on both sides of my family no one has ever had any skin problems, none. Still it was not resolved and finally got a biopsy where they numb the area of a spot and cut a chunk out of the skin to figure out what it is. I finally got my results a week ago. Turns out because of pregnancy and my low immune system I have a chronic skin condition that I have to treat the rest of my life. Weird enough is that its mostly genetic and no family member has ever had this. Lucky me. I may not have gotten stretch marks all over my belly but honestly, I would much rather choose that than a chronic skin condition that will never go away. I have to remember that each person has their different trials during pregnancy.
Needless to say I have definitely learned that pregnancy destroys your body, at least, my body. Here I am at 33 weeks, my pelvis feels as though you have ridden a very uncomfortable bike for the first time in years across the country or like someone has punched you in the crotch 15 times. This is constant, especially when you have to switch sides in bed 10 times and use all your energy to push your giant belly to the other side and move your body pillow along with you. In the end you are out of breathe and then after this exertion you realize you have to pee for the fifth time that night, so you roll back around and lift your self out of bed to go to the bathroom only to have just a tiny trickle of pee come out even though you feel like you have the fullest bladder. TMI doesn't exist in pregnancy so sorry to those who didn't want to hear. You know when you really have to pee and then you finally make it to the toilet and its just a rush of relief and joy?....ya, that never happens during pregnancy. Since we are on the subject of pee, the best part of your day is when you can't control your bladder cause your baby is laying on it and you feel a sneeze coming on...those of you who have been pregnant know this dread and soon start trying to do kegels to make sure it doesn't happen... as often. haha
33 weeks and my hips hurt when I stay on one side too long in bed and sleep is now a mere memory of the past. The baby kicks you so hard in the most vulnerable part of your rib cage and you think that if she kicks in the same place any harder, your rib will in fact break. Sitting down in a chair for too long is the worst because you can't breathe because all your organs have pushed up against your lungs and huge, ever growing boobs weighing down on your chest don't help either, along with the bra that you put on only to go out in public places because when you sit down its even more pressure on your belly and ribs.
You soon find that your closet has only a few options of what to wear and you are grateful that you bought those 3 maternity shirts and 1 pair of maternity jeans. You are also grateful for your husbands shorts and the long, big, flowy shirts you bought when you had no belly . But you also find it sad when the T-shirts you collected from high school on up no longer cover your belly. Even the waist band on the exercise leggings you bought before you were pregnant are too tight for comfort around the bottom of your uterus. There is also multiple times that I have whacked my belly by closing the refrigerator door because I don't know my own belly hugeness. Taking tums like candy for your horrible acid reflux. Or just waking up in the night drinking some water and oh, yep, acid reflux pops up so you have to get out of bed for another tums.
Sometimes I find myself looking at those due around the same time as me and I think, "Wow, Im huge!" and then I look at those who are almost ready to be due and I think, "I HAVE SO MUCH LONGER!" I already feel like a whale and yet I still have 6 and a half weeks left. IM DONE BEING PREGNANT! I think all this pregnancy awfulness is forgotten when the baby comes because somehow women continue to get pregnant. I have yet to understand this as my baby is still not here but I hope I forget all the uncomfortableness of pregnancy cause pregnancy isn't fun and isn't magical all the time.
Despite all the negative of pregnancy, feeling your baby move, kick, and hearing the heartbeat is really wonderful. There truly is nothing more spiritual and unreal than creating life and that the love you and your husband have and created together now has created this little person that is now both of you combined into one wonderful little human being. We all have our trials and everyone has different things they go through, especially during pregnancy. You are not them, you are you, and that is a wonderful thing. I can't wait to see our little girl and I am TRULY grateful for everything if that means I get a healthy baby girl as the outcome. Its amazing how much love I already have for her and I would do it all again if that meant for her to get a physical body in this world. I only have 6 1/2 more weeks. I can do this!
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